Boundary Marathon · Day 5 of 10
Food for Thought
Boundaries are not about changing somebody else’s behaviour, or getting them to behave the way you would like. People do not change unless they want to change.
So often, this gets it wrong: “I am putting this boundary in place so that they can treat me better.” How someone else treats you has nothing to do with you. It is completely out of your control.
The other thing about change, as you are noticing today, is that it is gradual. It is hard work. You have to be willing to put in the work.
Today, understand that boundaries are not there to get other people to change who they are or their behaviour. They are there for you, to nurture and love yourself, and to do what is in your control.
Here is an example. If I walk into a room and somebody is screaming at me, I could turn to them and say, “stop speaking to me like that, I am putting a boundary in place.” However, can you see that this is not going to change anything? I am not in control of them.
Instead, I could say, “if you continue to speak to me like that, I am leaving.” Then I turn around and I leave.